I started this blog because I wanted to document my de-conversion experience, or at least hit on some of the highlights. I knew that I would forget many of the details, as time continued to pass, especially as it relates to my internal dialogue during the de-conversion process itself. (I have an admittedly terrible memory, on pretty much everything. :))
Also, my kids aren't old enough yet to grasp the gravity of Daddy not believing in god anymore. They understand, intellectually speaking, that Daddy and Mommy don't believe in god, and Grammy and Grampy do, but to them it just doesn't seem like a big deal at all. I realize a time is coming when they will truly *get* how big of a deal religion is though, in this world, and I know they will wonder, at that point, why I changed my mind. And that's *really* the reason I started this website. I guess a small part of me also felt as if I needed to get some things off my chest.
Why am I losing interest now? I've been doing a lot of pondering on that, and I think it's primarily because I have a sizeable live and let live component to my personality. It's true that I have come to believe humanity would be better off without religion, in the grand scheme of things, but I don't agree that religion poisons "everything" (as Christopher Hitchens would say). I think Sam Harris had it basically right when he argued, in effect, that one of the core problems with religion is that it gives people bad reasons to do good things...and this is especially egregious because better reasons are in fact available (humanist ones). Many of the Christians that I know personally believe in doing good works, but their motivations are intractably tied up in "the gospel". I now believe this gospel is false, in the sense that I no longer believe Jesus was god, and such, *yet I still share in their desire to do good works for my fellow man*. Lately, this desire has simply been superseding my desire to be "right", by proving to Christians their religion is false (at times this seems like a nearly impossible task anyway).
Having said all of that, I am still passionately interested in pursuing the truth. I do find myself thinking "I should write a post about that", quite often actually, and I have no shortage of ideas (or half written posts!). It's just the desire is waning, and I'm not sure when it will return.
At this stage, allow me to simply say a heartfelt *thank you*, to those who have read and commented thus far. If you care deeply about the big questions in life, like I do, than I very much consider you to be part of my in-group. I don't care if you count yourself an atheist, a Christian, or something else entirely. I'd like to think we're all just doing our best, to figure things out, and that's an endeavour best approached in community.
I do not intend to shut down this blog, and I do think I'll eventually write more often again. I'm just not sure when, or exactly how often. I don't want to force myself to write. I want to want to write and, for these past few months, I just haven't been feeling it.
So, I hope you'll stick around, or at least check in for new material every few weeks or so.
I've never wanted to be the sort of person who shoved my opinions down people's throats and, on occasion, I fear that I have fallen into that trap here on this blog (although hopefully not too often).
With the exception of maybe one or two mean commenters (who are pretty easy to identify) I have appreciated everyone's questions, challenges, and support, a great deal. I hope you feel as if this has been a safe place to explore those big questions together, and to both encourage and challenge one another along the way.